AN UNANSWERED LOVE !

 

It was   REAL, the FIRST TIME I was feeling something exciting, something new, some strange feeling never felt before, despite being an introvert I was desperate to talk to him, don't know if it was LOVE, ATTRACTION, INFATUATION or something else. His name was LAFFORE. He was from France. We meet in a serene place and together we were at that place for 10 days. He came for his meditation course and I was serving there and looking after things, so I don't want to disturb him at all so I have written this for him and don't want him to give any answers to this writing.

Laffore , Its not about you its just that I am being honest to my feelings and myself that  I wanted to say this to you and I will feel on clouds if you can hear this . When the first time I saw you , you  simply look attractive in your vibrant colors shirts you looked different from others not only with your outfits but there was something deep on your face that could be seen at times when you were meditating and exploring yourself with utmost seriousness. I still remember  the time when you asked me to draw the curtain at the time of discourse your expression and actions were so complete in themselves. Your seriousness towards things was so attractive at times. I have met many people but idk what different you have in yourself that was distinct from others. I always wanted to listen to you the way I listen to my favorite music without disturbance. You were like as if I just read a few lines of that book that I was looking for, for a long time but was unable to complete that book because the author didn't give me access. You know what I want to dedicate all my favorite lyrics to you and all my favorite quotes because in many of them somehow or the other you are related.

I saw a rare beauty in your soul and I can't wait for others to agree on that. After seeing you I felt like, that you already existed in my subconscious. I think you have a powerful and original mind so it is more inclined towards solitude I don't want to ruin your boundaries just wrote because I want to be honest with my feelings.

PS: The above image attached was clicked by Laffore when he was in Uttarakhand. 

WHYYYY AM I THIS!

Always a QUITE KID to QUITE ADULT for hours and hours despite being surrounded with people and I was also comfortable with my SILENCE but at later stage of my life I realized others was NOT......

So in my recent training all advised and suggested me to be more SOCIALIZE to make conversation , but I couldn't explain them but its like , The more words I spoke the less I felt like ME , its since long I embraced the quiet within me whether group conversation or one to one or just few people ,I love to LISTEN more than I'll talk so if you meet me anywhere now at any part or any place of this world , Please don't assume I am dull and boring and have nothing to share or that I need some vodka ,wine to 'LOOSEN UP' 

            My quiet is calm and non - judgemental.

            My quiet is my gift to myself.

             A way to balance me.

I can assure you when I really need to say something to you I will say it if the feeling is utmost true to you and more than that when you truly need my words you'll always hear from ME. 

SOUL PLACE

I want a house, a place that I can call a HOME 

                      a  place that is my own, where every  corner is designed by me

                  where a wall is painted with my soul color

 and posters hanging of things I admire to love 

               where sunlight first touches my face whose light brightens my night-swollen eyes    where a cup of tea and turned pages  feels complete 

 where mid-night hot showers with music are not disturbed

 a place where 2AM dinner makes me happy 

  where making a mess could be guilt-free and cleaning could not be a big deal 

where unfolded blankets, and creased bedsheets look as beautiful as my neighborhood  80 years couple's wrinkles look like.

A place which I'll call my 'HOME', a home which DEFINES ME!

PERFECTION IN IMPERFECTIONS💙

 When I was kid nothing in my LIFE was PERFECT , no perfect family ,no perfect father, no perfect uniform, and Deep down I felt ashamed and I tried to hide all my imperfections by pretending strong and hard enough .

But 19 years later I found that life can't be perfect, everyone is pretending in some or the other way to show their life perfect by putting on perfect clothes, perfect makeup, perfect pictures on Instagram, and chasing to build perfect families and careers but still feel lonely but the reality is we all are IMPERFECT so instead of being perfect let embrace all imperfection with the deep and warm connection.

ABOUT ME

 I m 1999 born, Heeना, (ना means No)basically say ना for social gatherings, partying, clubbing, drinking, smoking, hangouts, makeup, and yeah many more thing. I am mostly in my own zone but yet observe things keenly. I know many people but have only very few good friends. I am an ambivert person . I’m basically more into academics but I get attracted to artists who play with colors, sing with an open soul, travel with no plans, cook like that as they have painted the plate, these kinda people. I like to read, listen (whether it’s music, podcast, or deep conversation), and explore myself through meditation. Nowadays Buddha is becoming my favorite person. I like spending time with myself more than anyone with my oversized tees, shorts, and open hair (basically I like oversized clothing). I always dreamt of a great college life but it didn’t happen and yeah I always wanted to paint canvas and I’ll sure do someday lastly, I never say ‘ना’ for Tea and dark chocolates (unless in an extremely bad mood).